"Daddy Issues"

My husband Jamie and daughter Abigail

Off they go to the Father Daughter Purity Ball.  I delight in the fact that her Daddy takes her. It might even mean more to me than it does to them. I sang "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman all through the house as I ironed their clothes tonight.  I love to do her hair and make up.  I never got to do anything like this.  I remember going alone to some father/daughter girl scout thing due to the fact my step father was "incapacitated" (aka drunk).  I was about 10 or so, and I remember it vividly down to what I was wearing. I remember the feeling, the same feeling I have to this day when I watch a man give his daughter away to her waiting groom. Especially a teary eyed man..gets me every time...and then when they dance at the reception, you get my drift. I am so grateful that my little girl will have much different memories. 

I did not know my own father for years, did not begin a relationship with him until I was 14. (Wonderful, growing relationship now thankfully) I had grand ideas of what it must be like to be loved like that, like those girls whose daddy's cried as they walked them down the isle.

I say all of that to say this, I hear people flippantly refer to some one having "daddy issues" and it kinda gets to me.  Children do not get to chose how involved their parents are in their lives.  Not having a parent in ones life can leaving a gaping whole.  It can shake who you are at the core.  Leaves you wondering why, a lot of whys...

I was 14, see I look like him!

I am sure in the past some one most likely referred to me with this term or some form of it.  I did the classic things girls do when they have not had the solid home life and unconditional love of a father.  (Coupled with an alcoholic step father, that is a story for another day) I had boyfriends from the time I was old enough to have one, and can hardly think of a time that I was single all the way up until the time I married.  I was searching for that missing love.  And every time I was left empty I would start out again.

I thought for sure getting married would do the trick...nope.  It was at that crushing blow that I finally came to the realization that no human man was going to "fix" the hole in my heart.  That was a Jesus sized task, and He was the only man for the job.  I was made with that Jesus shaped hole, and only Jesus would fill it no matter the status of my relationship with my earthly father.  I know many woman who grew up with close relationships with their fathers and still go down the path I went.  Yet I feel compelled to say to any daddy out there who might be reading this, do not leave a void in your child's life.  Do not let your little girls search for affection else where, because you know there are those out there that will be more than happy to wrap their arms around them. 

The Lord has brought so much healing.  I have learned so much about my value to my Heavenly Father and His perfect plan for my life.  As I said I now have a relationship with my dad, and have even had the chance to get an apology from my former step father.  While I will never be a little girl again that can crawl up into her Daddy's lap, a good friend once told me that the first thing she is going to do when she gets to heaven is crawl up in Jesus' lap and soak up all the love that she missed here. Best thing is, there will be room for me right there with her....

Pondering....

Last year at Spring Break, hiking

Babbling Brook

The last few days I have had the pleasure of being at Camp Paradise Valley for a management conference for work.  I love the chances I get to go there.  It is beautiful, peaceful, and even though I typically have a room mate, there are no children banging on the bath room door to come in to pee during my nice long hot shower. 

Last night at about 3a.m. a large thunder storm swept through.  I fully expected to come out to fallen limbs and debris this morning as the wind sounded so severe.  But instead the sun was out, the air was crisp and on my walk down to the lake after breakfast (did I mention they feed us like kings?) I could hear water rushing toward the lake from all around me.  I could hear faint trickles all the way to deep gullies of rushing water. (I took about 20 pics, but this was the best)  The water would not be hindered.  No rocks, no man made road, nothing kept it from making its way down to the lake.  In fact drainage was built to give it a path of least resistance as man has learned that with out it the water will erode the things he strives to build.  

So I began to ponder the power of this water.  What if we sought after our God the way this water sought to reach the lake?  What if we allowed nothing to hinder us? No rock, no man made obstacle...

Entire cities are built with great consideration as to where rain water will flow, and how such will effect the structures.  How might our society look if it were built around the fact that we would not be hindered?  If the water of our lives eroded barriers in our path as we sought full force to lean closer to God? If the world knew that no matter what it threw at us, we would still strive to find our way?  As my ear did not miss the sounds of the flowing waters, imagine what God's ear would ear if our lives rushed toward Him. 

The only disappointing part about my trip was that a devotional time was not on the schedule, as in years past.  God always seems to speak some thing special to me through the different men or women who give the devotions each time we gather.  This time God choose to give me some thing special through a Babbling Brook...and you know what? I will take it!

Pondering.....

Memory Verse

Our Pastor challenged us to do "The Joshua Code".  It contains 52 verses to memorize over the new year. Week 5's verse was Romans 8:28 "And we know all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."

Familiar words

But I have read these words before, and instead of ending the sentence with a period, I have ended it with a question mark in my mind.  ALL things? Really ALL things?  Are you sure? Even the sand paper things in life? How about the rebellious teenager?  An unbelieving husband? Or any other seemingly unbearable situation that I have no choice but to face daily? I have watched others from afar and whispered the words of that verse in prayer over them and their difficult situation.  And I believed the truth of it..for them. 

I know that some day I will see the bigger picture.  All my whys will be answered, if I still care to know.  But for now God is gently showing me that, yes "ALL things work together for good", even for me, and even in the not so pleasant things.  I am so thankful for this...

Pondering.....

Diving in..

I have wondered alot about blogging, so here goes nothing..Guess I should begin by introducing myself.  My name is Alisa.(pronounced Alisha..my mom spelled it wrong..that is a story for another day)  I will be married 18 years in May to my husband Jamie.  We have three children, James is 16, Abby is 11, and Andrew is 8.  I grew up an Army Brat and then married a military man, some thing I swore I would never do. We live in a small town were I am a case worker and my husband is now a mail man.  All of our children attend public school. My children and I are active in our local church, and I serve as leader of our Women's Ministry Team.  My favorite things to do are sit around a bon fire with friends, and I do a little sewing.  I only enjoy sports if my children are playing, which is interesting since I fall asleep each night listen to ESPN thanks to my husband. :) I love my family, and I love the Lord..so off we go on this blogging adventure!