She looks like me, except she has her Daddy's brown eyes that shine like honey when the light hits them just right. She is loud, emotional, strong willed, all of which my husband insists she gets form me, and as she grows older I see more and more of myself...
I have fought fiercely to raise her differently than I was raised. There is no alcohol in our home, she has her Daddy, she has been in church since 9 months before she was born, and I do my best to teach her modesty. And she is a good kid...
But I still fear that she is like me...I fear she will be like the me that she never even met. The me that made bad decisions..even when I knew better...the me that loved with my whole heart, and in turn left pieces of it behind when relationships ended. The me that was sure the void in my heart would be filled when finally, just maybe....surely... when I found the man of my dreams...
I pray..alot..for her. I pray for God to protect her, for God to guide her in making right decisions, for her to be a good friend...for her to avoid this pitfall, or that destructive path... and a few days ago, in my praying..God whispered something to my heart that stopped me in my tracks...
I was praying for her to be spared from a hurt..and He said, "But what if that will be part of her testimony..."
It was a thrilling and terrifying revelation all at the same time. I cannot keep her from all the hurts out there, and I do not need to break my neck trying.
So again, as I have done many times before, I physically turn my hands, palms up. She is yours Lord, You love her even more than I do. You have a plan for her life, and I trust You will guide her steps. Make me the mother you would have me to be. Help me to know when to speak and when to be silent. Help me to set healthy boundaries. Give us a closeness, so she knows that no matter what, she can come to me. And above all, Lord, help me to pray for her with eternity in mind.
Pondering...
