"Daddy Issues"

My husband Jamie and daughter Abigail

Off they go to the Father Daughter Purity Ball.  I delight in the fact that her Daddy takes her. It might even mean more to me than it does to them. I sang "Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman all through the house as I ironed their clothes tonight.  I love to do her hair and make up.  I never got to do anything like this.  I remember going alone to some father/daughter girl scout thing due to the fact my step father was "incapacitated" (aka drunk).  I was about 10 or so, and I remember it vividly down to what I was wearing. I remember the feeling, the same feeling I have to this day when I watch a man give his daughter away to her waiting groom. Especially a teary eyed man..gets me every time...and then when they dance at the reception, you get my drift. I am so grateful that my little girl will have much different memories. 

I did not know my own father for years, did not begin a relationship with him until I was 14. (Wonderful, growing relationship now thankfully) I had grand ideas of what it must be like to be loved like that, like those girls whose daddy's cried as they walked them down the isle.

I say all of that to say this, I hear people flippantly refer to some one having "daddy issues" and it kinda gets to me.  Children do not get to chose how involved their parents are in their lives.  Not having a parent in ones life can leaving a gaping whole.  It can shake who you are at the core.  Leaves you wondering why, a lot of whys...

I was 14, see I look like him!

I am sure in the past some one most likely referred to me with this term or some form of it.  I did the classic things girls do when they have not had the solid home life and unconditional love of a father.  (Coupled with an alcoholic step father, that is a story for another day) I had boyfriends from the time I was old enough to have one, and can hardly think of a time that I was single all the way up until the time I married.  I was searching for that missing love.  And every time I was left empty I would start out again.

I thought for sure getting married would do the trick...nope.  It was at that crushing blow that I finally came to the realization that no human man was going to "fix" the hole in my heart.  That was a Jesus sized task, and He was the only man for the job.  I was made with that Jesus shaped hole, and only Jesus would fill it no matter the status of my relationship with my earthly father.  I know many woman who grew up with close relationships with their fathers and still go down the path I went.  Yet I feel compelled to say to any daddy out there who might be reading this, do not leave a void in your child's life.  Do not let your little girls search for affection else where, because you know there are those out there that will be more than happy to wrap their arms around them. 

The Lord has brought so much healing.  I have learned so much about my value to my Heavenly Father and His perfect plan for my life.  As I said I now have a relationship with my dad, and have even had the chance to get an apology from my former step father.  While I will never be a little girl again that can crawl up into her Daddy's lap, a good friend once told me that the first thing she is going to do when she gets to heaven is crawl up in Jesus' lap and soak up all the love that she missed here. Best thing is, there will be room for me right there with her....

Pondering....

Last year at Spring Break, hiking